Being careful about accumulating regrets.
https://www.becomingminimalist.com/the-no-trade-declaration/
Length: 650 words (3-4 minute read)
For most of my life, Uncle Sam has been my built-in Marie Kondo. I was a military kid, and we PCSed all the time. That led to a nomadic adulthood. Every few years for most of my life I’ve been forced to decide what things I do and don’t want.
What do you do when the clutter’s not physical? This is the question asked by Rachel Macy Stafford in “The ‘No Trade’ Declaration Offers Instant Clarity and More Joy to Your Life,” a thoughtful reflection on how we can make trade-offs we may wind up regretting.
Stafford sounds like a recovering Type A personality, which was enough to make me start reading her piece with a hefty dose of suspicion. I used to trade loving goodbyes for on-time morning departures, she writes. “Uh oh,” I thought.
But there is a kernel in the story she tells which might be especially valuable for busy people.
As often seems to be the case, the death of a loved one prompted reflection. Rather than dwelling on things left undone and regretted at the end of life, Stafford focuses on how her father-in-law’s last days were filled instead with love and family. How fortunate!
An unexpected declaration from her husband that he wants to “have more fun” prompts more reflection. It brings out a practical side to Stafford which I found very relatable:
“I desperately wanted to have more fun, too, but how? What does that even look like in a life of non-negotiable duties, responsibilities and obligations?”
She’s speaking my language: Responsibility. Obligation. Duty.
What Stafford did was to look at the trade-offs which had become sources of clutter in pursuit of a balanced and healthy life. She didn’t abandon her ambitions, but she definitely is putting out boundaries.
This is her challenge to us:
Take a moment to think about how your work, your technology, and your life might bleed into each other to the point that there are no longer any protected areas. While it is not always possible to trade productivity and efficiency for human connection or inner peace, it is always worthwhile when we can.
This is practical advice. No, it’s not always possible to wall off the things we’d like from the things we have to do. But it seems like a decent idea to always be trying to think about it.
The idea from the piece’s title that it’s “instant” whatever is b.s. This is not easy stuff--it’s thinking about good vs. good--trade-offs that have to made at the most basic level of our lives. Playing for keeps in the game of memories and emotions.
I’ve been on the wrong side of enough life trade-offs to know nothing about that is instant or easy. Trust me on this.
But...
We can learn.
Lean that when we do need to sacrifice something we’d love to do so we can appease the gods of the late night at the office, or travel for work, or whatever the distraction of the moment is, that we can be selective about it.
Learn to make it a conscious choice, done after consideration.
Learn to make sure that it’s never done on autopilot.
Learn to not clutter things up with needless regrets.
Regret is poisonous. Love or ambition thwarted or denied is bad enough, but at least they hold out the hope that one day we might get what we want.
Regret may be the ultimate in unproductive mental and emotional clutter: it’s a ship that’s sailed, and it’s never going to come back. Because it can’t.
Time only runs in one direction, and we only get so much of it. Instead of cluttering it up with bad choices and empty feelings, let’s choose to live strongly.
Choose to live, as far as we can, without accumulating things we’ll regret.
Choose to live intentionally.
Choose to live well.
(h/t: becomingminimalist.com)